What are these shadows outside my window?

In the morning light they are waiting to taunt me. Tapping gently on the panes, demanding to be let in. Ghostly fingers pointing. Accusations of misplacing my life. Yes. Guilty as charged and there are more offences I wish to be taken into consideration. Failing to understand that nothing lasts forever. Not peace, or beauty or dreams and ambitions. Not trust or justice and least of all love. Friends you once played with turn their backs and ignore you. Family gone in the blink of an eye.

Rainbows light my quiet afternoons. The crystals hanging by the bedroom window, scatter the sunbeams into myriad hues. When no-one is around, they come out to play and dance along the walls like colourful butterflies. For a moment I feel like a child again. I want to run through meadows under endless blue skies, but the meadows are all gone now. They sprayed the fields with insecticide and planted GM crops. Bees no longer buzz through our flower beds. I have forgotten the song of the skylark.

Darkness stalks my endless nights. Creeping in with the chilly breeze through the partially open window. I search for a memory of happier times, but don’t you know there has been a recession? When the going gets tough, dreams are the first thing to go.

I feel like Trigger in Only Fools and Horses. Talking to Del Boy and then he is gone. Everyone laughs at his foolish expression, but then we are all in on the joke. Trigger is gone now and no-one is laughing. Least of all me because you have gone too. I turned around and the world changed behind me. It’s not a place that I know any more.

What are these shadows outside my window?

No need to worry.

It’s only me.

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